There are many ways we can be disorganized –and not finishing projects is one of the worst. They take up both physical and mental space!
It can be especially hard for people with ADHD. Unfinished projects create a string of broken promises that damage relationships not only with others, but with themselves.
Do you feel like you’re drowning under the weight of your piles of unfinished projects? Do you keep lists because you don’t want to lose track of all the things you’ve got on the go? Are there half-finished craft projects scattered about? Do you have expired ingredients in the pantry for baking never baked?
You’re not alone.
Unfinished or incomplete tasks are the nemesis of those with ADHD and others with executive function challenges. In fact,
“task incompletion is the single most challenging problem for adults with ADHD”
Michael J. Manos, PhD and Elizabeth J. Short, PhD
There’s good news and bad news.
Bad news; ADHD gets in the way of getting things done. Period.
Good news; We can work with ADHD once we understand how it impacts you and specifically with respect to incompletes.
What Is An “Incomplete”?
An incomplete is something we decide to do, and may even begin, but do not finish.
Writing in the Cleveland Clinic Journal of Medicine, Dr Michael J. Manos and Dr. Elizabeth J. Short say that incompletes that are long overdue become broken agreements. Breaking our agreements has damaging consequences to our relationships both with others and ourselves.
Procrastination— How Does it Happen?
Sometimes, things don’t get done and the reason is simple – life gets in the way. We have to put the project down for a while and focus on other more important things. It can be as simple and as blameless as that.
Other times, incompletes happen because there aren’t adequate systems, knowledge or expertise, or they pile up because of absent or ineffective work habits.
But for those with executive function challenges, it is a lot more complicated.
First, we do have the ability to direct our attentions. We can do it easily when it’s something we’re interested in and excited about doing, but that excitement inevitably wears off – as it does for everyone – whether at the initial idea stage or when we’re halfway through or, even worse, when there’s only 10% of the project left.
When the task is no longer fueled by interest and excitement, it takes effort — and it’s an unpleasant effort to deliberately direct our attention towards the task— even when it is something we would really like to get done.
It’s not a matter of willpower or the degree of desire. Sustained attention is difficult. There just aren’t enough brain chemicals to help get the job done. As a result; we stall out.
Second, the effort it takes to return to a task is overwhelmed by “shiny new object syndrome” (official title, ahem…). In other words, projects don’t get finished because we get distracted. In order to not get distracted, we have to suppress our natural inclination to go after things that newly interest and excite us. It can even happen in the middle of a project—as many a rabbit hole will attest. We spend our time chasing shiny new things and don’t finish other important (but now boring) projects.
So now there are two things to overcome to restart a project:
1) we have to make conscious and unpleasant efforts to direct our attention, 2) to sustain our attention, we must suppress our natural inclination to chase after new more interesting things.
Compounding this is time-blindness. Often, we have no idea how long it actually takes to complete something. Other times, we have no idea how long it will take to do the thing—even though we may have done the project many times before.
So when contemplating completing an unfinished task, there are at least three things in play. The unpleasantness of having to direct our attention, the drudgery of sustaining our attention, and now uncertainty is added to the mix. We don’t know how long we have to endure the discomfort. Sprinkle in a little emotion dysregulation and the difficulty to get started again, it can be painful and frustrating.
And so we say,
“I’ll do it later.”
Motivation is not Enough
Motivation is a fickle friend of people with ADHD. It’s not helpful.
There are three kinds of motivation:
Intrinsic motivation is when we do something for the sheer enjoyment of it. This can get us started on a project, but it isn’t guaranteed it will carry us all the way through to the end, especially when dealing with difficult and complex projects like a renovation, downsizing, or planning a big event.
Extrinsic motivation occurs when we are motivated to do the task by a reward or external pressure like a deadline, (or the nagging voice in our heads).
When neither of these things motivate us to complete the task, we are experiencing amotivation. The trick for someone with ADHD, or anyone no longer inspired, is to continue to work on the task while completely unmotivated. And that’s doable. We just have to figure out what works for us.
As Stephen King says, “Amateurs sit and wait for inspiration, the rest of us just get up and go to work.”
As a way to get things done, motivation is highly overrated— especially when we think of it as a feeling that sustains us through the task from start to finish. It is woefully inadequate for those with executive function challenges – and that’s OK. As ADHDers, we can rely on other things to help.
The Psychological Cost of Incompletes
So we know how ADHD gets in the way. What’s the big deal? People pick up and put down projects all the time. Everyone loses interest. But for people with ADHD, projects that we care about and which have been left incomplete for a long time can be devastating to our sense of self-efficacy and identity.
It begins when we decide to do a project or task. That’s when we make an agreement with ourselves, or to another, to do the task. The promise to do it is the beginning of the task. In 1927, a psychologist named Bluma Zeigarnik, conducted experiments on the relationship between tasks and memory. She found that “each task we start produces a form of psychological tension.” It’s called the Zeigarnik effect. (3)
For example, let’s say we decide to start a new self-care practice to relax but also be creative. The promise to do that practice is the promise we make with ourselves. We experience some psychological tension –maybe some curiosity, excitement and interest.
So we begin to brainstorm a list of ideas for activities that would be both creative and relaxing. However; let’s say we then fall down a rabbit hole looking for colouring books and can’t finish selecting one before time runs out.
Maria Ovsiankina, a colleague of Zeigarnik, showed that interrupting a task already started can lead to intrusive thoughts. Those thoughts contribute to creating a strong desire to complete the task because not doing so feels unpleasant. (3)
In other words, we could say, our tasks nag at us until we get them done. But let’s say there’s no chance to pick one up in the immediate future and it falls off your radar. The nagging just isn’t strong enough to overcome the resistance of inertia. If we don’t keep enough of our promises, over time, that nagging can turn into something very nasty.
The cycle of incompletion looks like this:
Once a project has been hanging over our heads for a while, the resulting rumination or anxiety can impact our self-esteem and our beliefs about our ability to get things done. Not getting things done can be a barrier to getting things done.
As the incompletes hang on eternally, we become disappointed and the negative self-talk begins. Frustrated by our own behaviours, over and over again, we become self-critical. Not keeping these agreements can make us feel demoralized, guilty and even angry.
Even more, incompletes also bring anxiety and depression along with them. The incompletes pile up and weigh us down, sucking away the very energy we need to get things done. (1)
Living in a space overrun with half finished projects isn’t pleasant nor is a calendar stuffed with never-ending projects. Irritation sets in. “Tolerating things that irritate you,” writes Jack Canfield in The Success Principles, “affects your belief in your ability to achieve your bigger goals” (p. 251)
And so, the negative self-talk takes a seat in our minds and orders a coffee. It talks incessantly, reminding of all the things we haven’t done, all the promises we haven’t kept. We begin to lose faith in ourselves. Because we don’t do the things we say are important to us, we begin to question whether they really are. We become confused about our values. We may even lose touch with who we are.
Unfortunately, there are negative consequences for our relationships with others as well. Others may be having the very same thoughts and believe that we are incompetent, or worse, don’t actually care about doing what we said we’d do. As Manos and Short write, people start confusing “skill” with “will”.
Cleaning up Incompletes: Five Key Steps to Conquering Disorganization
One.
Speak kindly to yourself. Negative self-talk, or a critical inner voice is debilitating. It doesn’t help. It keeps you stuck.
It’s so important to address this issue with self-compassion and kindness towards ourselves no matter how deeply we may have disappointed ourselves or others in the past. The best way to start is to imagine what a good friend would say to anyone in this position. Then, be that friend throughout the process.
Two.
This is important. Acknowledge yourself for your willingness to clean up your incompletes. It’s a big thing. Celebrate yourself. You are doing something difficult.
Three.
Address the incompletes. The first thing you need to do is name the broken agreements:
- Do a mind dump. Write everything out—on paper or in any way that gets the job done. A complete picture is needed of whatever is still there, nagging at us from the back of our minds. It may be overwhelming. It may even be a bit upsetting. This is the perfect time to take a deep breath and celebrate how courageous we are. It takes courage to face where we’re out of integrity in our lives. Celebrate that win!
Once we have everything out of our minds and out on paper, we have a few options:
- Complete the named agreements.
- Just do them.
- Make new, adjusted agreements.
- Modify the project in some way, talk to someone about renegotiating the agreement, delegate it.
- Cancel the original agreement.
- Let it go. Accept that this will not get done.
Four
Now that the incompletes are sorted, schedule a day and time for completion. If it will take more than a day, schedule out the tasks as far as you can.
Five
The final step is to get someone else involved. Social support is critical to getting tasks completed. (1)
Create Partnerships
That may be easier said than done, however; establishing trust with others may take time. It is crucial for people with ADHD to create some sort of accountability for themselves. It’s best to establish a partnership with someone who isn’t directly invested. There are various kinds of partnerships. For example, one could partner with strangers on the internet to help hold attention to the task in co-working groups like focusmate (link out). It can also be in person. In fact, an organizer often serves this function for clients. It’s called body doubling.
Partnerships can be simple. An agreement with a friend to text them whenever we complete a step of our project— or when it’s all done. This is another way to create accountability— and some celebration!
Hiring a coach is an extremely effective way to clean up those incompletes. Coaching is designed for action and accountability. The coaching conversation is designed to uncover self-knowledge and figuring out what it is we need. It is a great way to support and build self-efficacy. Coaching is uniquely suited to help individuals with ADHD to get things done.
With a coach, we can plan an approach, tweak the task and then troubleshoot if it doesn’t work out quite as expected. It’s all done in an atmosphere of experimentation, pragmatism and compassion.
Reap the Benefits
Taking care of our incompletes will not only clear out the piles of half-finished projects, it creates room for something new to show up in our lives. (2)
And for those specifically with ADHD, tidying up those incompletes can change our lives. Finishing projects and keeping agreements restores and builds belief in ourselves. Finishing up the half finished projects also builds self-efficacy. Once we know we can keep our agreements, we (and others) can believe (and trust) ourselves again.
If you have an unfinished task staring you down, check out the Accountability Coaching Package, or contact me.
Resources:
- A new paradigm for adult ADHD: A focused strategy to monitor treatment by Michael J. Manos, PhD and Elizabeth J. Short, PhD, Cleveland Clinic Journal of Medicine July 2023, 90 (7) 413-421. Link: https://www.ccjm.org/content/90/7/413
- The Success Principles, by Jack Canfield and Janet Switzer, New York: HarperCollins, 2005, 2015.
- The Psychology of Unfinished Tasks, by Dr. Hannah Rose. Link: https://nesslabs.com/unfinished-tasks